this is another emo post

i am perfectly aware that i am supposed to be doing my assignments now. but hearing the word assignment itself give me a kind of a mixed feeling. eager to finish everything so that i wont rush last minute and able to take time handling the major march event, and nyampah at the same time as i have been so focused on the damn thing since the CNY break. having a lot of other emotional stuffs didn't help either ; it makes me lose focus on what the heck am i typing and start to care more on what song should i arrange in the Winamp playlist.
i can feel that i am feeling down these few day in spite of my lame jokes and aneh grins. and i co not know what should i do to make me feel better. i cried and screamed but the feeling of extreme frustration just wont go away. but i need it to go away. fast. i need it to leave me and leave no marks behind. i know, if i am being my usual self, i will forget about this very soon. it is just a matter of time. everytime i want to do something and is reminded of that fateful event that happened, anger is going to fill my body. anger, sadness, frustration, it all comes at once and attack my abdomen. no, its a part slightly above the abdomen. and leaves me with one question.

where did i go wrong??????

i mean, seriously man, where did i go wrong? the number of people i can trust as my friend has decreased. is it so hard to be honest? why can't i look at the person in the eye and seriously say something very nice but say something realllly awful behind her back? how could people lie so easily? how can you sleep at night not thinking about all those lies you told to me and still dare to say horrible things about me behind my back? didn't you feel so guilty that it makes you want to scratch your own guts out? most importantly,you dare think that you will always get away with it?

to my friends now, don't u ever dare do that to me. u'll be sorry.

i cannot believe i was deceived by you all these while. i cant believe that everything u said to me were all lies. i cant believe that you were faking everything about our friendship and still could touch me with a smile. i cannot believe it that all these while i thought we understand each other when the reality is i don't know you at all. i cannot believe that all these while you are wearing that mask when u are hurting me behind my back. i cannot believe u dare call me ur good friend when u say i am not a person who u should befriend with.

i cannot believe you. i hate you.