suddenly (+miss)

besides missing to speak German suddenly, i have a few sudden moments this week. but i can't recall a lot.

1. I suddenly miss speaking foreign languages
Now i only speak 2 languages. and read some. i miss speaking to people in a foreign language. i remember how euphoric the feeling is after conversing with people who dont speak your mother tongue. i even miss the simple greetings now. How this suddenly came? Prolly because I saw my German book and Korean assignment.

2. I suddenly feel like being super broke again
Don't misunderstand please. I am still broke, but not helplessly broke.

3. I suddenly feel very very nervous about posting
Where will I end up next year? When is it coming? Is it coming this January? Will it be late? Will I like the place? Who'll be there in the same area? How am I going to cope with being alone? D:

4. Now I suddenly feel very nervous about everything

5. So I suddenly exercised.

6. But I realize my strength is crap now. Flexibility almost gone.

oh well

saya cranky bila pms

the song up there is just for my self pleasure. you can click it if you like. only if you like to ^^

kelip pejam kelip pejam mata its already 2 weeks of practicum. have i mentioned how i like my kids? they are getting a bit more bising and talkative today. i think that is great considering how i always felt like i was talking to the desk and the files stacked at the back of the class instead of people.

(maybe sebab semalam i cakap "if i like talking to myself, i wouldn't become a teacher. i think i'll become a mechanic instead)

(and i went 'ughhhh i hate you guys' when i thought they were half heartedly hollered at the mention of 'lets play a game")

(padahal memang they all jenis warak dan tawadduk and the teacher is simply setan kecil yang ajar anak2 suruh bising dengan cikgu and kalau boleh tanya soalan challenging all the time. i told them i dont like them being meek and passive)

so anyways. i probably will bore you with my school related entries later, but now, lets talk about this one thing that i memang cannot puas hati. guess.

on a second thought, no, dont guess. i'll tell you. its the attitude people. malaysian's to be precise.

okay. so we pride ourselves for being the people from the east who upholds values and as called in malay, nilai2 murni. we are supposed to be that sopan people, ramah mesra mcm nak gila and segala yang positif. tapi if you look at most of our faces, you know its far from true. i am not generalizing all malaysians are like that. however, most people that you meet on the streets are rude.

example one, look at the road. malaysian drivers are scarier than hammerhead sharks. dengan keluar simpang suddenly without caring if the approching car could brake in time, kalau senyum takpe. tapi lepas tu buat senyum kambing. your smile does not soothe the feeling of the person who you might have killed dumbo. apa ingat senyum lepas nak bunuh orang best gila ke apa? i would not even start on motorcycles.

tapi that example aside. lets talk a closer look at how malaysian react to each other when walking along a road, or a walkway. a narrow walkway. in schools for example. you do know how narrow it could be yeah? so usually when we see people walking towards us, isn't it only natural to look up and smile? that is the least you could do as a muslim, especially when you were the one teaching the students to greet you when they see you. but the level of ignorance of some people are just amazing. jangankan naksenyum,  pandang atas atau pandang the approaching person pun xbuat, how la we call ourselves the polite and penuh budi bahasa punya people?

we need to start looking at ourselves and our culture. people who works in public services, yang deal dgn orang hari2 xkan la xmau senyum. bukannya cantik muka kau scowling mcm tu. personally, i have no idea how people could manage to not smile at all when they are talking to someone else. its called being civil.

i should stop this. i attribute all this frustration to my hormones.

p/s: i am SO glad the dentist told me i didn't need to pull it out. better yet, ada cara lagi nak selamatkan dia utk masa laaaagi lama. oh yeah

if i blog again this week, chances are its school related

1st of all, i will have to thank god for giving me making my process of being a full time teacher fun and smooth. things have been extra smooth that i could not believe it. i hear a lot of people (and occasionally read) that most of my mates are not taking things too well lately. according to most, being a teacher is tiring. and so far its been fun for me. of course there's always some challenge to it. i try to be positive about problems. most of the time, i don't even have to try hard.

second. yes. this is school related again. i am going to judge an inter class debate competition. of course all my knowledge of it is buried to the deepest pit of my brain. i could safely say that i am going to have quite a tough time judging, but i am also thankful that this school was willing to accept me. so here i am, trying to learn to evaluate debates. from possibly the most talented people. i feel blessed ;p

oh. this is personal.

why la canteen u tutup awal gila i nak my iced cuppacino dammit!!!!!!!!
dahla semalam dah frust for milk tea with pearl. you see, i haven't touched bubble tea with pearls for a looong time so yesterday when my friends went out to MV i asked them to get me those. large ones pulak tu. oh how much i miss biting those precious pearls. so chewy and so sweet. they taste so right. pastu x ada. how annoying is that? very.

and today i wanted to have iced cuppa from the canteen. yeah its only an instant cuppa but it still taste so similar to starbucks'. so because my class finishes at 230 and i have that debate meeting at 330 i decided to go back and pray first, then go to the canteen. turns out 320 when i went to the canteen it was already closed. punah pelamin impianku seriously =(

personal again.

i miss Japan. hukhuk.

雪の花

the title is irrelevant. found this cute picture in tumbler and thought it might inspire someone ;p

rain rain go away come again another day

as we speak (or as i write) the rain is pouring down very heavily and the strong wind is carrying the water droplets onto my laptop. thats okay i've got it covered. door's closed so i should be safe of the wind. the water and the lightning?

the water looks pretty, if you ask me. as boring as i might sound i could look out of the window and watch the patterns of falling rain blown away by the wind.

i know i have been absent for so long. truthfully, nothing is going on with my life lately. my blog is dead. i have no content, no topic, my life is boring and i have no opinions to share. blegh.

except. oh i do have an issue. i'm lazy. i am a certified quality lazybum.

i am too lazy to go out, too lazy to eat, too lazy to move and change. and look! its raining! this is adding up to the lazy atmosphere. i could only dream

dream for bubble tea

and my trip to korea

or travel alone in a train in europe speaking german

i'll continue dreaming

what r u thinking idek

this conversation took place in a mosque. person x received a text message and the phone was not on silent

X: Siapa la bodoh sangat ni orang duduk dalam masjid nak message pulak

Me: Mana la orang tu tahu kita tengah buat apa kat mana. Silentkan la phone tu.

X: Aah memang bodoh pun. Maxis yang hantar nak buat promo. Bodoh betul.

Me: ....Dah silent belum?

X: Belum. Xmahu silentkan.

so yeah. being pointlessly defiant like that. what are you thinking seriously?

p/s: because i am being nice, i'll reveal person x's identity to the person who'll marry me ^^

lapar~!!! matilah~!!!!

no seriously, lapar. matilah.

i just realized the lack of people in a certain place drives me crazy.

i've been feeling like having korean black bean noodle for days now. i can make it myself, its not tasty, but i can make it myself. but tht would be a waste of stuff since i have less than one week left and buying more food stock is not going to make it easier for me or anyone else. so i was like, okay i'll go and eat them at the restaurant. but i don't really want to eat by myself.

쭈, i miss 먹자 Club.

-------edit

so illi knew about me wanting to eat jjajangmyun and she was saying how i kept sticking myself in front of my lappy so i whined 'but i hate eating alone!!!' and she was like 'is that a hint?' and initially i haven't thought of that. but now that i get hints (and apparently was giving one), i've got myself someone who will come with me and eat!!! XD

great

great, now i have to get 2 headphones cuz i sat on Chun's headphone cord and it literally ripped.

ich wunda how much one would cost

but anyways~
i have been dreaming that i was 5 month pregnant over and over again, other than occasional dream about being chased by a psycho murderer and saving the world in towels. but yeah i have been getting the pregnant dream pretty frequently now XD

and according to google i am getting my wish come true. hehe. thats cool then ^^

kenapa auckland sejuk

auckland sejuk,
matahari tegak atas kepala tp skang dah agak sejuk.

(well no actually. when i lay down on the grass it was warm and it felt nice having the sun on my face, until 8 seconds later when the wind blows extra hard blowing all my papers and the rain cloud took over the sun's spot and u think to urself 'oh-oh' and u make a run before heavy rain pours on you)

and i have German oral test this 12/5, the German film critic essay due on the 20th, and Linguistics short in class test on...well i cant remember exactly when. but it should be between 12-19th.

and...........
i think i need to re evaluate my life. because i dunno what i want with my future, if i want to follow the same path as my friends or if i'll be strong enough to hold my face up to the sky and carry on living with all my insecurities. because me myself is the most unreliable creature i had ever known and i always welcome unfortunate events to myself on my own and i need to re-evaluate things. over coffee maybe?

so yeah.

i like this : don't fall in love with the moon

garu kepala tengok statement bank

sape ada symptom yang sama?

perceptions

that i have about love has completely changed. yeah a guy i love would make me weak in the knees, a hell lot more dependent and stuff. but i will be able to embrace all that and still be happy ^^

i changed the template!

looks really colorful now, eh?

all we need is love

st valentine could sit in the corner and cry.
i screwed up his day.

history is not perfect. people got burned alive, someone got her head chopped, somebody famous had to live with an epileptic daughter and dysfunctional family, etc. but someone will always write it in a nicer way, better yet change the whole story to tell to kids. why? because history will repeat itself. so no matter how bad someone's life is, it gives a reason for us to believe that things will always get better.

read Ghost at the table. its a good book, surprisingly.

note to self

i should be thankful for what i have more.
i have a father who cares for me, a mother who is an awesome cook, parent who could really give me what i need emotionally and financially and mentally. i have a healthy body and a reasonable amount of personality ;p

i complain how hard life is in here in this foreign land but i forgot those who are living a hard life even in their own home.

there's actually a lot of things i should be thankful for. its just that its hard to be thankful when u think too much about your hardship and problems. kan? so next time, when the hardship comes, i'll try to think about the things i could be thankful for before digging more into the misery hehe

phew

korean is so much easier to learn than japanese.

with japanese, i still find myself struggling to read. because you see, knowing hiragana and katakana alone does not guarantee comprehension in the language. because u need to recognize the chinese characters a.k.a kanji. although the joy that accompanies every succesful recognition of the kanji is euphoric, the amount of effort spent in trying to remember each strokes and shape is plain tortorous.

although i should say my prior knowledge of japanese helps me a lot in understanding korean grammar structure. the grammatical structures are pretty similar, except that they have more use of pronouns. so yeah it was pretty hard understanding japanese grammar at first, but now it pays off pretty well in terms of transferring the information to learning korean. vocabulary wise, as korean shares some things in common with japanese, the words are pretty similar too. well some of them at least.

after being able to read and write korean characters, my vocabulary has improved tremendously. this is due to the ability to read the characters straight away without having to draw the kanji from microsoft word IME pad and search it online to get its meaning. leaning japanese is a painstaking process. it is true that its easier in terms of pronunciation compared to korean, but that was only in the initial stage. now that i get used to it, japanese is becoming harder and harder for me.

but...that doesn't mean i am going to give up learning japanese. i mean, woah it was so hard learning it at first. and i still like the joy of recognizing kanjis. and reading those picture books with the 6 years old at the library is pretty fun too. they even pointed it out when i read it wrongly ;p

p/s: speaking of which, last week a german girl came to me and started going 'sprichst du deustch?' which means do u speak german and i was like, so flabbergasted i couldnt say anything smarter than 'erm...ja...hahaha...sprichst du auch deutsch?' (means erm...yes...do you speak german too?). too many languages man. pick one and focus!

saya masak nasi

...semalam, tp saya rasa nasi ni yg 2malam punya. tapi problem is saya pun xsure jugak nasi ni yang bila punya. yang semalam ke yang 2malam. tapi itulah.

so kalau nasi tu duduk je kat situ xbuat apape2, saya xde masalah. habis2 pun buang je. tapi masalah saya is saya pegi goreng nasi tu. dengan perencah tomyam. so saya rasa nasik tu masam. biasanya eman ada untuk comfirmkan segala worries saya pasal rasa makanan. because i am just pelik that way, i always find the taste of my own cooking weird and eman would be the one yang test, and everytime she had always told me that it is fine. so oke.

sebab perencah tomyam kan masam. masak fishball dengan perencah tomyam pun masam. tapi rasa masam mereka sama. mcm masam tomyam jugak.

ok i guess i dont need eman this time. i'll take it that the rice should taste that way. stop thinking too much.

p/s: habis2 pun sakit perut je ;p

bercakap dengan angin dan kenal bayang-bayang

knowing a shadow
speaking to the wind
and embracing hollowness

i wonder if such detachment is a heartbreak?

problem gambling

so last night i dreamt about buying lotto and crossing my fingers so i win.

and this evening i took a nap, and dreamed that i took a lotto form somebody left, with a name that was stroke through.

and i tired myself out trying to rationalize my actions in the dream, and had a really amazing debate about my morals. i even got a slight headache when i woke up. extreme gila.

Gadoh

i just finished watching 'Gadoh'. so apparently the movie is banned in Malaysia, tho it was produced by Malaysians and carries a good message. I mean, 97% of the movie content is the reality of what happens in the society.

the good thing about it is that it tells you to break away from your mundane life. life needs some sort of liberation if you want to see the truth in things. a good example is the characters la. if you never break away from your normal surrounding, how do you get hear more about life? you will only hear the same thing everyday, from the same people. you'll never get fresh and new ideas. u'll forever be trapped in your own ideologies. worst is, you couldn't even tell if those things people have been telling you is right. i cant actually imagine being stuck in only one idea in life. life is more meaningful when u are able to explore. exploration leads to greatest discoveries in life.

tho the movie needs to focus more on their characters development. it focuses on the 2 people, the main lead for malay student and the other lead for chinese student. they ought to make it more detailed on how did they overcome their communication barrier, how they started getting over misconceptions about each other, and from what point do they start trying to understand one another. mcm jumpy sikit part tu.

and the main reason i think it was banned is because it encourages revolution. and the government is not ready for that. maybe they say they want to avoid chaos and stuff. but i'd definetely show the movie to my future students! XD

anyways, here's the link for the movie, tell me what you think!

CLICKYYYY!!!!