bila nak maju kalau macam ni?

fotostat surat untuk naik pangkat dianggap lebih worthy untuk digunakan dakwat mesin fotostat sekolah itu.

i was going to write in Malay but i realize that what i wanted to say might sound a lot more insulting if i were to use a language i am so comfortable in so yeah. i am going to try to sound neutral. its an impossible task but i will try.

this issue might seem simple to you. some people might even think, apalah sangat perihal mesin fotostat right? benda boleh setel. well the issue here is not mesin fotostat. the issue is how shallow some people are and i may say, how stupid some people are when it comes to resolving conflicts.

so we trainee teachers undergoing practicum typically are not allowed to use the photocopier. thankfully when we first came here the principal was really kind. she is a kind lady who was willing to give us what we need, like an accommodation. what she asked for, in return, is for us to do our best in improving the school's English quality. i was eager to help. very. i never turned down any of my students in this whole 3 weeks. everytime i feel like not doing my duty, i remember my principal's kindness and wish for us to help the students.

so i try my best. me and my friends do a lot of studies to ensure the students get a fun and rewarding classes. in order to do this, i give handouts for my students. i have 29 students in my form 2 class and 30 in my form 1 class. it's a lot to copy, but the burden was not felt because i was blessed with the photocopier in the office. the principal saw me to do the copying many times before as i am one hell of a frequent user and she was always all smiles telling me to do do my best. the people at the office was very helpful too. whenever i asked them if i could photocopy some materials for my students, they had never actually refused me or tell me i am not supposed to. i pernah kena tegur once sebab prepare my materials too late, kelas 840 am baru nak fotostat pukul 730. the teacher told me i should have come earlier. she had a point. so i make it a point to finish all my materials for tomorrow before 12 the previous day.

yesterday, god showed me the ugly side of some people i previously had a high regard to.

they didn't notice that i was still in the room as they thought all of us has exited the room. but i'll give you snippets of the conversation i have directly heard.

Cikgu 1: sepatutnya xpayah dilayan diorang tu. nak fotostat2 apa. ini penting ha akak nak naik pangkat ni. ini baru kena fotostat.
Cikgu 2: ntahnya. masa kita dulu praktikum mana boleh fotostat pakai skolah punya, semua kena pakai duit sendiri.
Cikgu 3: (to the office staff) sepatutnya boleh ke diorang fotostat kat sini?
Office staff berbaju biru: mana boleh. diorang x boleh sepatutnya
Cikgu 1: tu saya dulu pun mana ada skolah nak tanggung benda macam ni. biarkan je lain kali suruh fotostat kat luar tu
Cikgu 2: ntahnya. anak sedara saya pun praktikum pakai duit sendiri semua
cikgu 3: sepatutnya diorang print pun xboleh kat skolah ni. guna komputer semua tu mana boleh.

and then another office staff saw me and went "nak fotostat ke?" and offered to copy it.

Cikgu 3: eh tapi kalau nak fotostat untuk murid2 xpe kot.

imagine how i felt listening to all these malay cikgus badmouthing us in front of me because they thought i wasn't there. i thought, habis tu kau ingat aku ni nak fotostat buat alas katil untuk diri sendiri ke?

my ears were on fire. because one, its not even for myself. it was not for me to fill borang kenaikan pangkat. it was for the kids.

second, the kids are the students of their own school. THEIR OWN FREAKING school. what benefits does it give me, really to be doing all this? they are not in any way related to me. if they improve, i am not going to even get the credit.

third, do you really have to cover up what you said? i was there. i don't mind if you were telling me facts. i would understand why they do not want us to use it. maybe it is not cost efficient for the school. there is probably a special budget allocated for the teachers and using the photocopier would probably disturb the balance. do you really have to sneak around our back like that?

four, fyi makciks kitorang pakai laptop sendiri. print pun ada printer sendiri. sometimes we use the computer and the printer, but it was only because the teachers are okay with it. xkan kitorang xde adab kan nak pakai tanpa izin. kami keluar negara pun ada passport.

five, kenapa kalau zaman dulu orang semua mandi kat sungai kita sekarang mandi dalam bilik air? ada paip semua? why is it that in the past we used to use letters to communicate, now we use sms? we are always moving towards the betterment are we not?

so why when the younger generations get good stuff kita kena kutuk? kena x boleh bersyukur sebab people don't have to have it as bad as you? if these people lived in the past during the occupation, i bet they wouldn't budge to try to fight, simply because it would be unfair if they were deemed to this fate and the the next generation don't.

six, this type of mentality is seriously disturbing. if this is the type of teachers we have, fikir je la sendiri.

i am not writing this post for revenge. i am writing this so we could learn what not to do. this morning i was told by my coordinating teacher that we are not allowed to use it on our own anymore. instead, we are supposed to bring our coordinating teachers together to do the copying or we could riso the materials provided if we're going to make more than 100 copies at a time. i imagine i wouldn't be feeling too bitter if i heard the news this morning without having the privilege to know what the teachers' opinions are.

please, if you are a teacher trainee think about how your words and action might hurt others. be honest. be helpful. be sincere. there's no use writing these qualities on the walls if you are not going to practice it.

culture is not taught, it is practiced.