i drank almost 2 litres of mango juice tonight and i feel a bit sugary and a lot high!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, 15 August 2012
Tuesday, 31 July 2012
goodbye Kuda. thanks for everything
So its been a few days since Kuda is gone forever. It took me about what, 5 days to get over it and to be able to recount what happened.
It was the 25th of July, Wednesday. Around 10 in the morning I finished class with my form 1. Then i was supposed to have a class with year 6, which I am doing team teaching with another senior teacher. She told me that she wanted to have the class that day so I should go back to Kuda and play with him for a bit. I didn't think much of it. I planned to go back at 1050, when the year 6 class is over and i have a couple of hours gap to my next class. Since i was given the opportunity, i grabbed it, thinking i still haven't fed Kuda this morning. I thought i could bring him to school afterwards.
So i went back to Kuda around 1015. i took him out from the cage and he eagerly climbed up to my shoulders as usual. he always pecked me when he was on my shoulder. he did the same thing that morning. i brought him and his saucer and water container to the pantry for refill. left his saucer into the sink and boiled water to warm his bread up. then he drank a bit of water from the container. then he flew outside.
i watched him fly up and perch higher than his usual spot. i made a move to turn the fan off. he was calling for me. but i took a broom and told him to wait instead. 'kejap eh kuda, mummys gonna sweep the floor and i'll get u later'. as soon as i finished, he took off. i noticed he was getting too close to the fan but it happened too fast. a sickening sound of a something solid hitting metal was heard and he fell right before my eyes.
he didn't move. i kneel down to scoop him onto my palm and noticed there was blood on the floor. he was flapping when i touched him. he was in a lot of pain, i know. then he stopped moving. for one horrible moment i thought i lost him then, but he was still breathing rapidly. my hands were shaking and i kept calling his name. i could think anymore, my whole body was telling me i must save him. i cannot let Kuda die. so i took a small towel and wrapped his little body. i didnt tell anyone, i didnt have the time to. i rushed to Chamang Veterinary Clinic in Bentong. i dont think i have ever sped that fast. the whole journey i kept talking to him on my lap. making sure that he stayed with me.
when we arrived in Bentong, the vet wouldnt even look at him. i asked him to check for injuries but he wouldnt saying that he doesnt have the expertise with birds. that is one risk i have always known with birds; they are hyper sensitive. if u do something wrong they could die in a blink of an eye. he could not even disinfect the wound due to the lack of medicine. i cursed out government so much at this point for taking all the money out of this little clinic. he gave the Hospital Veterinar in Cheras a call, and i spoke to the doctor. I made an appointment with Doc Mas. i cant remember her name much. but i thank her so much for at least checking kuda up.
then i drove alone to Cheras. it was the most painful journey i ever had to kuala lumpur. it was lunch hour so the traffic jam was horrible. but i made it. but we had to wait for about half an hour because nobody was around to entertain us. i was puzzled. it is the ramadhan month but every staff went out. there was these 2 ladies who were there but would not entertain me even when i told them it is an emergency. 'xde emergency2 ni kat sini. skang lunch hour" katanya. selfish bastards.
but luckily the front desk opens at 230 so dr mas checked Kuda immediately when she got in. turns out that Kuda's injury was a lot severe than she expected. she said this is a case of a broken wing, and they dont have enough facility to perform a surgery on Kuda. i need to rush kuda to UHV, UPM's hospital for animals. its in Serdang area. she gave Kuda a bit of food and some vitamin water to keep him going. i cannot thank the staff here enough for that. while in the room, kuda kept struggling to climb up to my shoulder. when i put him onto my shoulder, he still pecked my cheek. i cried so hard thinking that he still loved me when i was the one who was so careless to put him in such misery. at this point i noticed that Kuda doesnt respond when we touch his left wing.
So i drove to Serdang. with the help of the map given finding the place was a piece of cake. i then rushed him in, but the avian vet was in a meeting so another doctor was called in. she was this really nice lady who took a liking on kuda instantly. she checked Kuda up and found that it was an open fracture. when she lifted the wing up i can see his bone sticking out from him and it was horrible. i almost threw up but i held it in thinking i cant be weak and drive later. then Dr Jalila came. she was the expert. dr siti and dr jalila checked on Kuda and decided that they might have to amputate Kuda's left wing. but he'll survive. however, Kuda might still die from the anaesthetic. they'll gas him, but he might be too weak so he might not wake up. there is a 50:50 chance. i thought, okay i'll pray and let the doctors decide. they'll know what to do.
so with a very very very heavy heart, i watched them put kuda in that glass thingy. with his wing bandaged to his side. i was so afraid and i wanted to cry but i need to drive back to Karak. i realize that this might be the last time i see him. i dont know why but i kind of understand then. Kuda looked so weak already. my biggest regret is i dont pick him up and kiss him goodbye before leaving. i only watched him sleep.
when i reached Karak around 7, i couldnt do anything. i could only cry and cry. i cried to sleep and my parents called my twice. then i received the most horrible news from the doctor. she told me that Kuda was found dead around 8-830pm during ward rounds. the doctors were trying to find the best solution for Kuda. i was so calm when i replied. i remembered updating my fb status thanking Kuda for everything. and then on everything was a blur.
i realized that i was wailing so hard that my stomach hurts. the whole body hurts. i was at lost and regret washed all over. i didnt know what to do. this might be a bit over the top for those who never had a pet so dear to you before. but Kuda was my only friend when i came to this place alone. Kuda was there the whole time i was sad. even when i am alone Kuda was always there without fail. losing Kuda is almost like losing a part of myself. call me drama queen but i was really devastated.
then i called adzuan. i cant even remember what i said. i remember saying i want kuda back to my father. or was it adzuan. maybe i kept repeating that to people so i couldnt recall.
i wanted to take a sick leave the next day and take Kuda home. bury him someplace safe. but my father advised me against it. he thought that i was too emotional to be driving. besides, he was coming to me the next day. i was slightly comforted. i cannot thank them enough for bringing me food from home, and ayah knowing i like asams brought along so many asams i dont think i can finish them. and Bepangs too. and brought some stuff to furnish the new house.
even up until now i think what could have happened if i stayed with Kuda that night. would he survive at least until the next morning? i wasnt even supposed to be home at the time. if i stayed at school, would Kuda have died? if only i fed him earlier that morning and brought him to school with me like always, would things have happened differently?
i understand that it all happened for a reason. Kuda is now a bidadara in heaven. a handsome one. free from all pains and loneliness from being left to play on his own for too long because i was too busy. he is in a better place. HE IS IN A BETTER PLACE. let god take care of him.
so. Goodbye Kuda, and thanks for all the joy you gave me the whole time you were here.
Mommy loves you.
It was the 25th of July, Wednesday. Around 10 in the morning I finished class with my form 1. Then i was supposed to have a class with year 6, which I am doing team teaching with another senior teacher. She told me that she wanted to have the class that day so I should go back to Kuda and play with him for a bit. I didn't think much of it. I planned to go back at 1050, when the year 6 class is over and i have a couple of hours gap to my next class. Since i was given the opportunity, i grabbed it, thinking i still haven't fed Kuda this morning. I thought i could bring him to school afterwards.
So i went back to Kuda around 1015. i took him out from the cage and he eagerly climbed up to my shoulders as usual. he always pecked me when he was on my shoulder. he did the same thing that morning. i brought him and his saucer and water container to the pantry for refill. left his saucer into the sink and boiled water to warm his bread up. then he drank a bit of water from the container. then he flew outside.
i watched him fly up and perch higher than his usual spot. i made a move to turn the fan off. he was calling for me. but i took a broom and told him to wait instead. 'kejap eh kuda, mummys gonna sweep the floor and i'll get u later'. as soon as i finished, he took off. i noticed he was getting too close to the fan but it happened too fast. a sickening sound of a something solid hitting metal was heard and he fell right before my eyes.
he didn't move. i kneel down to scoop him onto my palm and noticed there was blood on the floor. he was flapping when i touched him. he was in a lot of pain, i know. then he stopped moving. for one horrible moment i thought i lost him then, but he was still breathing rapidly. my hands were shaking and i kept calling his name. i could think anymore, my whole body was telling me i must save him. i cannot let Kuda die. so i took a small towel and wrapped his little body. i didnt tell anyone, i didnt have the time to. i rushed to Chamang Veterinary Clinic in Bentong. i dont think i have ever sped that fast. the whole journey i kept talking to him on my lap. making sure that he stayed with me.
when we arrived in Bentong, the vet wouldnt even look at him. i asked him to check for injuries but he wouldnt saying that he doesnt have the expertise with birds. that is one risk i have always known with birds; they are hyper sensitive. if u do something wrong they could die in a blink of an eye. he could not even disinfect the wound due to the lack of medicine. i cursed out government so much at this point for taking all the money out of this little clinic. he gave the Hospital Veterinar in Cheras a call, and i spoke to the doctor. I made an appointment with Doc Mas. i cant remember her name much. but i thank her so much for at least checking kuda up.
then i drove alone to Cheras. it was the most painful journey i ever had to kuala lumpur. it was lunch hour so the traffic jam was horrible. but i made it. but we had to wait for about half an hour because nobody was around to entertain us. i was puzzled. it is the ramadhan month but every staff went out. there was these 2 ladies who were there but would not entertain me even when i told them it is an emergency. 'xde emergency2 ni kat sini. skang lunch hour" katanya. selfish bastards.
but luckily the front desk opens at 230 so dr mas checked Kuda immediately when she got in. turns out that Kuda's injury was a lot severe than she expected. she said this is a case of a broken wing, and they dont have enough facility to perform a surgery on Kuda. i need to rush kuda to UHV, UPM's hospital for animals. its in Serdang area. she gave Kuda a bit of food and some vitamin water to keep him going. i cannot thank the staff here enough for that. while in the room, kuda kept struggling to climb up to my shoulder. when i put him onto my shoulder, he still pecked my cheek. i cried so hard thinking that he still loved me when i was the one who was so careless to put him in such misery. at this point i noticed that Kuda doesnt respond when we touch his left wing.
So i drove to Serdang. with the help of the map given finding the place was a piece of cake. i then rushed him in, but the avian vet was in a meeting so another doctor was called in. she was this really nice lady who took a liking on kuda instantly. she checked Kuda up and found that it was an open fracture. when she lifted the wing up i can see his bone sticking out from him and it was horrible. i almost threw up but i held it in thinking i cant be weak and drive later. then Dr Jalila came. she was the expert. dr siti and dr jalila checked on Kuda and decided that they might have to amputate Kuda's left wing. but he'll survive. however, Kuda might still die from the anaesthetic. they'll gas him, but he might be too weak so he might not wake up. there is a 50:50 chance. i thought, okay i'll pray and let the doctors decide. they'll know what to do.
so with a very very very heavy heart, i watched them put kuda in that glass thingy. with his wing bandaged to his side. i was so afraid and i wanted to cry but i need to drive back to Karak. i realize that this might be the last time i see him. i dont know why but i kind of understand then. Kuda looked so weak already. my biggest regret is i dont pick him up and kiss him goodbye before leaving. i only watched him sleep.
when i reached Karak around 7, i couldnt do anything. i could only cry and cry. i cried to sleep and my parents called my twice. then i received the most horrible news from the doctor. she told me that Kuda was found dead around 8-830pm during ward rounds. the doctors were trying to find the best solution for Kuda. i was so calm when i replied. i remembered updating my fb status thanking Kuda for everything. and then on everything was a blur.
i realized that i was wailing so hard that my stomach hurts. the whole body hurts. i was at lost and regret washed all over. i didnt know what to do. this might be a bit over the top for those who never had a pet so dear to you before. but Kuda was my only friend when i came to this place alone. Kuda was there the whole time i was sad. even when i am alone Kuda was always there without fail. losing Kuda is almost like losing a part of myself. call me drama queen but i was really devastated.
then i called adzuan. i cant even remember what i said. i remember saying i want kuda back to my father. or was it adzuan. maybe i kept repeating that to people so i couldnt recall.
i wanted to take a sick leave the next day and take Kuda home. bury him someplace safe. but my father advised me against it. he thought that i was too emotional to be driving. besides, he was coming to me the next day. i was slightly comforted. i cannot thank them enough for bringing me food from home, and ayah knowing i like asams brought along so many asams i dont think i can finish them. and Bepangs too. and brought some stuff to furnish the new house.
even up until now i think what could have happened if i stayed with Kuda that night. would he survive at least until the next morning? i wasnt even supposed to be home at the time. if i stayed at school, would Kuda have died? if only i fed him earlier that morning and brought him to school with me like always, would things have happened differently?
i understand that it all happened for a reason. Kuda is now a bidadara in heaven. a handsome one. free from all pains and loneliness from being left to play on his own for too long because i was too busy. he is in a better place. HE IS IN A BETTER PLACE. let god take care of him.
so. Goodbye Kuda, and thanks for all the joy you gave me the whole time you were here.
Mommy loves you.
Thursday, 19 July 2012
un-privating the blog
yes call me indecisive. i know i am. first turn off the blog then go on to it again. it is vicious, you see, the nee to do something you told yourself you wont. and i was never goo with temptations ;p
so story of what is going on lately. i'll try to make it compact.
i have won the battle silently. i'm not sure if i have told you this, but my pengetua refrained me and my current roommate from applying for the quarters net to the school for no apparent reason. she even made up a pekeliling on her own saying that we dont have rights to apply. so i took matters to my own hands and deal with the PPD and other supportive school admin. in the end we've got a house :D
its not like i am going to spend my time out of school too much. there is nothing here. but having a house outside the asrama would make visits from my parents easier.
anywayssssssss. i am seriously considering about filling up the pertukaran form this september. i'm not sure to where i am moving yet. this needs to be further discussed. i have nothing against Bentong (or Karak)
anyways.
i now have this one problem with sitting down and doing nothing in school.
whenever i am resting, or when i realize i dont have anything to be done i become restless. i feel the need to rush to school and call all my students and we'll have a class at that instant. this week i wasn't as busy as the other usual weeks and it was seriously weird. i am a lazybum. but i was too used to work work work the whole week night that i cannot accept the fact that i am going to sit down and rest and not worry for one or two night. that is sick, dude. sickkkkkkkk
kesian kuda tho. he's taking to talking to wood furnitures. so far his favourite buddy is the kitchen door. but he also speaks to the chair and the mug. sometimes to the speaker. he is speaking to my toes as i am typing. he probably thinks that it is made of wood?
Najib and pengetua is a lot alike
so story of what is going on lately. i'll try to make it compact.
i have won the battle silently. i'm not sure if i have told you this, but my pengetua refrained me and my current roommate from applying for the quarters net to the school for no apparent reason. she even made up a pekeliling on her own saying that we dont have rights to apply. so i took matters to my own hands and deal with the PPD and other supportive school admin. in the end we've got a house :D
its not like i am going to spend my time out of school too much. there is nothing here. but having a house outside the asrama would make visits from my parents easier.
anywayssssssss. i am seriously considering about filling up the pertukaran form this september. i'm not sure to where i am moving yet. this needs to be further discussed. i have nothing against Bentong (or Karak)
anyways.
i now have this one problem with sitting down and doing nothing in school.
whenever i am resting, or when i realize i dont have anything to be done i become restless. i feel the need to rush to school and call all my students and we'll have a class at that instant. this week i wasn't as busy as the other usual weeks and it was seriously weird. i am a lazybum. but i was too used to work work work the whole week night that i cannot accept the fact that i am going to sit down and rest and not worry for one or two night. that is sick, dude. sickkkkkkkk
kesian kuda tho. he's taking to talking to wood furnitures. so far his favourite buddy is the kitchen door. but he also speaks to the chair and the mug. sometimes to the speaker. he is speaking to my toes as i am typing. he probably thinks that it is made of wood?
Najib and pengetua is a lot alike
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
making this blog private
as a precaution. i was nervous about updating the blog in case my students read it. leave your emails people. in my fb or here so i can add u as a reader ;p
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
pouring out my helplessness and frustations
somebody please come and educate me on teaching primary school students.
today i am even snarkier than ever. i wanted to do a fun vocabulary lesson. so with the help of my trusty textbook, i read them the story 'The Big Bun',. the words should be simple enough for the students to understand contextually. it was an hour 1 period class and the students were responding well to the story. some has even read them beforehand but i asked them to keep silence until i finish telling the story.
i wanted them to be able to guess the meaning from the context. so when the regularly confused students were raising hell because they cannot understand, i asked them to be patient and try to guess the meaning.
unfortunately they switched off.
completely.
the thing is i explained to the class the meaning of the words contextually. everyone else, including the weak ones were listening. ada 2 3 ketul ni switched off and they were clueless of the story. i was so frustrated i yelled at them. i know my mother told me to be patient because they might really not know, and by me yelling might make them not want to ask me anymore and they will stay in the dark forever. but these kids, i am pretty sure they are doing it for attention. i have my reasons to feel so, and knowing that they are kids, it is not impossible.
please tell me i am not being too negative with the kids.
so yeah. today is the bad day with the kids. i snapped and snapped and snapped. especially with this one boy who really really was keen to test my patience. i even had to go to him, take the long ruler and demanded him to read or else i am going to go crazy with the spanking. he, fortunately, understood that i meant business.
and...today only half the class finished the task in the classroom and handed in their homework on time. what is the secret of making year 4 kids hand in their tasks by the end of the class?
i am so frowny. going to frown until i get my coffee fix
today i am even snarkier than ever. i wanted to do a fun vocabulary lesson. so with the help of my trusty textbook, i read them the story 'The Big Bun',. the words should be simple enough for the students to understand contextually. it was an hour 1 period class and the students were responding well to the story. some has even read them beforehand but i asked them to keep silence until i finish telling the story.
i wanted them to be able to guess the meaning from the context. so when the regularly confused students were raising hell because they cannot understand, i asked them to be patient and try to guess the meaning.
unfortunately they switched off.
completely.
the thing is i explained to the class the meaning of the words contextually. everyone else, including the weak ones were listening. ada 2 3 ketul ni switched off and they were clueless of the story. i was so frustrated i yelled at them. i know my mother told me to be patient because they might really not know, and by me yelling might make them not want to ask me anymore and they will stay in the dark forever. but these kids, i am pretty sure they are doing it for attention. i have my reasons to feel so, and knowing that they are kids, it is not impossible.
please tell me i am not being too negative with the kids.
so yeah. today is the bad day with the kids. i snapped and snapped and snapped. especially with this one boy who really really was keen to test my patience. i even had to go to him, take the long ruler and demanded him to read or else i am going to go crazy with the spanking. he, fortunately, understood that i meant business.
and...today only half the class finished the task in the classroom and handed in their homework on time. what is the secret of making year 4 kids hand in their tasks by the end of the class?
i am so frowny. going to frown until i get my coffee fix
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